4stouts.. been a week i didnt drink it with my Dad. Love him...

however i like his comfort and explaination, still he is the one that i can talk things out too..

Recently i got this urge to break this communication barrier with my Father. This seem it not an easy matter for me. He is man who don't understand other people's feeling and thinking..

Still i got this courage of "certain words might b piercing your heart but don't take it too hard".

Well the matters is he is my 'Father'.

Its a good reminder from him but the words are kind of demanding and discouraging.

I hope i am in a situation that im being pressure with school work.

End of the school tearms, i am able to show results.

Whichever is it... i am walking upon my life.. matter its long or short.. i just wanna make a fullfillment out of every one..

i love everyone amount me..

what had i learned..

i learned to be discipline, learned not be noctural in life...
i had been working for MEPO Renovation Contractor for 5mths, with Dad..
it wasnt as easy, so much to adsorb...
so much of insulting from Dad..my personality, my behaviour, my speech, my everything...
nothing seem to satisfy him..
i am very demoralised, however i told myself to endure, tolerate...

till the certain time, schooling was my escape.. and this is the best for my own plan..

i couldnt accept his asking anymore..
we're too hard headed, i choose to walk my way but with his financial support..
till the end, i really wish to have my certificate of diploma been supported..

not forgetting the day.. the verbal of words, too hard and too much for me to disgest.. i tears, i shed, i cried.. with the tremble.. *from then onwards, i tell myself, im gonna be curel and to treat myself better even with much more discipline...

after typing so much so much,
my trouble its worrst den those normal case... i might land myself in jail..
i never think as deep, but that harsh word from Finn really woke my sense...
this made me, every move, every action with caution am i against the law...

my heart cries..
i wanna grow up..
or im hating myself, why do i been created in the worm of mum to make her suffer..
this is the same as im am slapping my own Lord, God, why am i created..
so i am gonna pull through all this down and upset, curel realities to make my life more successful...

also, not forgetting.. so much supporting close once beside..
i rmb you people.. thank you wasnt enough, i hope to saw you people that i make it some where, 1day

Getaway to Hong Kong - Guan Dong Staton, Road: Chang Ping and Ti Hao
17 Dec - 20 Dec '10

17 Dec arrived at HK to meet Uncle Benny, checked-in at Harbour Grand Hotel. It already the night, went over to Lan Kwai Fong still to check out their nightlight. Bars there are all covered with "business" dress-up men. Didnt catch any drink there, as Dad stopped drinking but i'll be there to enjoy the drink there one day. Unlce Benny brought us boarding the electrical bus. Was a nice ride with wind blowing. I like it. Travelling to the Central Bay, to catch our late dinner. There comes introduce my favour "dan dan" its mike jelly. *slups! if Singapore have it, i will definitely be the regular customer. This end our day.

18 Dec (Eurasia Hotel) as usual, what can we ladies do at HK. *Shopping! the clothes there are fantastic.. but we're tight in cash. Didnt manage to pick up some nice clothes.
During the early evening we made our way to Hom Hung Station to take a train to China,Guan Dong Station. Meeting Dad over there after his Golf session.

19 Dec (Royal Garden Hotel) Ladies are always shopping oversea. Nothing nice of sight. picked up 2 tops and a shoe.
i FORGOTTEN to buy cap. this dissappoint myself however with own console that i will find better cap in Singapore.
After their men golf session. Uncle Benny made a planning to Tai Zhi Hotel for a carabet show. After the show we head back for foot massage.

20Dec No more golf session. We ended up going for body massage the whole morning till 2pm.
As normal, it was a seperate gender spa. My 1st time naked having whole body scrub, milk bath and whole body massage. I felt daring to naked off, as there only 2 of us. I had wonder if the spa was cover with more ladies. How will i feel.. i see more boobs! im ogle of it.

Here the trip end...

Every different day at different hotels. The design of their cabinets and their bath room was eyes catching. I really hope i can draw out the design that i catcher in my eyes.

The standard of living in the whole universal it depends on the goverment.
For goverment pushing the standard higher, the helped the younger generation to reach the expectation to the higher/bigger region. We suffer here, we live good at other region.
Singapore take in poor countries people, Rich countries such as NZ pick us.
It a standard by standard university of the universal.

As for we normal human being, we live in our country "adapting" to the facilities. This really made me think, which states, city or region do you want to live in.
The poor, unclean, old condition OR the middle/rich, clean, good condition country.

We human being really have to strive for our life to live good or bad., this depend on yourself.

after many years of rebellious life.

its time to stop and lead a proper one now.

everything shall be in place, though changing wasnt easy until it really drill in my conscience.

nevertheless thank you to some who have always been patient and couraging me.

i admit i wasnt an easy young lady to be push off. even i was in the lossing end now(dad),

i know i cannot give up and never has the intention to.

even the little feed, i will give you by action.

i made my mind. i am sure and aware what coming to hit me.

would not be shaken, because i know what i had learned able to be bring out, in the other way or any where, so long i never stop.

the expriences bring me much further then one can never expect.

lastly i love you Dad and Mums... also Yeshua

feeling: low moral..
21st birthday coming around the corner... i didnt plan to have a grand one.
but then again... things jus goes hay-wire!
my tooth decay hurts,which its unbearable! went for new fillings. its had been long visitng dental. never will i be not scare nor nervous. after so many yr i cried when dentist working on my teeth. not brave anymore! this yr 21st so much lesson learned. and someone asked me wats my wish.
my wish was simple, tat i jus wanna find a job that keeps my "interest" rolling... otherwise i always have unpay leave! jus for a getaway.

oh ya! before the career start, i wanna be getaway.. i hope to have a holiday trip! a leisure dive. ahh... next yr next yr! i will be patiently waiting..and i will be good waiting...! phoes must earn money and save up.

i'm just so crazily wanna kick away some bad habit...
so hate the aftermaths, but just couldnt answer myself, why do i still repeating it...
am i stupid or wat!?
arghhh...
2 things to kick away... once weekly drinking session and smoking!
Einnigan'Phoebe have to be discipline!!! i order and command to do so...
November'09 schedule its totally screwed! swim teach, CES classes, Kaplan classes... work!?
im stress tat the timing clashes! im so worried to skip marketing communication class... 'marketing' jus sound important class to go. pointless stressing myself now. jus need schedule weekly and properly! ADDITIONAL bro's wedding day fall on my birthday, plus itself CES class it on 30th. well... i really cant help to hate clashing of date and time. all are just important for me to attend. can i spilt into many?

BEYONG CONTROL!

everything is beyong control... im just no one,that i can do anything. But everything reflect to me.

WORK:
Stupid to say everything changes within a night. "Endure" endure until everything was been cut? until maybe one day somebody took over my place? endure until i got nothing, until i have to find another alternative way? because she got the autority to do such unfair desicion make?
FAMILY:
finally every problems happened, but soon everything leaving for me to clear. the ability one left everything undone...


am i gonna surrender like mum said 'this is your life,my life is belong to bitter'